© T.H. Warrior – Tender Hearted Warriors
– S.S.P. & E.L.C.
Let me open this topic with a question: Have you ever participated in a tug-of-war? In this match, both sides spend a lot of energy, but not much of any movement or improvement is to be seen; in fact, they could spend hours and not move an inch! Lack of peace or a so-called conflict, whether in ourselves or with another person, is just like a tug-of-war: It only consumes our energy, and no progress is to be made.
But what is peace?
Peace is neither the absence of war nor the opposite of war. Defining peace as the absence of war reduces peace to an empty, passive, incomplete, and distant vision. The definition of peace is much broader because the definition of violence is much wider than that of war. But peace is not the absence of violence either; it is the opposite of violence.
Peace is an activity, not passivity. It is a commitment that is practiced every day in all of our interactions. Being a passive spectator to the violent interactions of others kills peace. Being passive sends the wrong signal. It allows the violent to increase their violence.
Peace requires a positive combativeness in our relationships and just as much in the face of our own impulses. But to define peace as the won fight of reasoning against instincts is false. It is not by fighting that we achieve inner peace, but by cultivating an inner state of appeasement. As opposed to a fight, it is a relationship to be built; with oneself, then with others, where reasons are not enough, and hearts come to play.
„[Peace] is a commitment that is practiced every day in all of our interactions.“
T.H. Warrior
Peace is a perpetual weaving of warm relationships- of good neighborliness based on human values and each other’s creativity to overcome difficulties, clashes, and one’s own frustrations.
Peace is a relationship of good lives together, solid and lasting, based on respect, serenity, cordiality, and good intelligence between humans. It is based as much on the expression of the hearts as on reasons. It is through human warmth that we can transcend violence.
Peace is a choice of life where human interactions are based on impulses of humanity, capable of reversing the violent tendencies of the powerful, the vindictive, and the angry by touching their hearts and questioning their logic- a choice of life that is both individual, and collective, economic and political.
If violence seems omnipresent, so does peace. It is up to us which one we cultivate.
Now, what is the difference between peace and comfort?
Peace means equilibrium, rest, harmony, lack of unnecessary noise; it refers to an ease of mind and an inner state, the results of which can be seen from the outside in every single aspect of a person’s life. Whereas comfort flows more in the direction of welfare, it facilitates life affairs, and has more of an external face.
„If violence seems omnipresent, so does peace. It is up to us which one we cultivate.“
T.H. Warrior
Lots of our problems and mental health issues root back to the fact that most people have gotten these two wrong. Many believe that peace and comfort are the same. When you’re not even aware of not having something, how can you even start looking for it? Of course, this does not mean that we should not seek comfort in our lives; on the contrary, comfort can make life much easier for us and bring good immediate pleasures, but the problem begins when we often, on our way to comfort, sacrifice our peace.
Close your eyes and imagine yourself buying an expensive car, for which not only you emptied your savings account but also had to take out countless loans. Regardless of all the difficulties, the car is absolutely breathtaking; shiny, accelerates in a heartbeat. Yes, you can imagine having that car, but could you see yourself enjoying it? Knowing that you have to work overtime, pay more than you can even afford at the end of each month, having to do your weekly grocery shopping at a supermarket 1 hour away from your house just to be more careful with money, and more importantly, losing sleep over it. Would you sacrifice your peace for your comfort? The sad truth is you most probably would. A majority of our society would too.
Every day we see our friends, family, colleagues, and partners being victims of peer pressure. Everyone wants to, has to, needs to have more, be more. Even if they are not in a position to acquire more.
Inner peace is not due to external circumstances and is not always dependent on physical, financial, or material security. If inner peace depends on an outer situation, it will not be long lasting. If one intended to, one could experience inner peace regardless of external conditions, but that requires a little training.
The biggest mistake on the journey to peace is thinking that there’s an obstacle to overcome: if I change my environment, leave the country, and start dating someone more intelligent, once I get a new job, once the kids leave for college, the list goes on.
Unfortunately, this is one big fatal mistake that has become the common mental narrative of our society. That there is always an „if and then“ situation going on. We were taught, trained, and brain poisoned that in order to reach any certain peace in mind, there are certain boxes that every single member of our society needs to first check off. You need to have certain body features, look a certain way, do certain things for a living, live in certain houses, have a certain type of marriage, and drive certain cars.
NO!
If you need to check these certain boxes, let me brutally and honestly wreck your dream of ever reaching any measure of peace by telling you right now that those boxes will never end. The more you have, the more you’ll need, and the more you’ll want, which is not bad at all if you are, at all times, the sole master of your mind and making conscious choices about your desires, hopes, and wishes. If that’s the case, you’d be one of the few who never stopped wanting more, had much and many, yet lead the most simple, balanced, and peaceful lives.
But if you always feel like something should change for your mind to be in peace, you’re out of your mind. As I mentioned months ago in my article „memory,“ your mind is the non-tangible invisible organ of your body. How can an external physical circumstance leave an effect on your mind, lead it to peace?
I always picture my mind as my closet.
Imagine a closet: full of clothes and all sorts of junk. I have old backpacks full of birthday cards and letters from ex-partners, need to be washed sheets next to expensive outfits. The thing is, as an outsider, when my roommate saw my closet for the first time, she was bothered by it. And it had never occurred to me how my eyes could get used to such a mess. But that is exactly how it is: even as an organized person in general, if you always keep your closet that way, you won’t even notice how horrible it looks. And the problem is you are not entirely happy with how things are. Your clothes are always wrinkly, and you have a hard time finding any space for even a new sweater, etc.
No matter how uncomfortable it is, the mess becomes normal for you. From time to time, the chaos annoys you, but you do nothing about it.
This would be the state of your mind when not at peace: crammed with thoughts, worries, fears, anxiety, and ceaseless thinking.
A state of tension and stress.
Restless jumps from one thought to another – like a bee, flying from one flower to another.
And now imagine: you decide to clean up your closet.
I always start by emptying it entirely- without the clothes, sheets, diaries, and those backpacks, the closet looks so large and spacious.
I clean it up, do the laundry, and start putting things in their places carefully.
Then I take a look at it. As crazy as it sounds, I feel liberated after. As if I have just gotten a ton of stones off my back. My eyes don’t get annoyed, looking at it anymore. I can find things much faster, and I can move my hands much more freely. There is more air.
I experience a feeling of freedom and more control over my life.
It is the same with my mind. Whenever I free myself from unnecessary thoughts, worries, and fears – my mind is free. And I am at peace.
No longer packed with mental junk that wastes my time and energy. I also think more clearly and I am concentrated.
Inner peace appears when you have emptied your mind.
Inner peace is like a spacious and clean closet – without insignificant, old, or dirty things.
After you have emptied out your mind of negative thoughts, it fills with happiness and contentment.
Negativity no longer influences your mood or reactions. You feel inner peace and a feeling of freedom.
But there is this one box I keep on the top shelf of my closet. I throw everything I am not quite ready to get rid of or deal with in that box. Every mind should have this box.
I created my mental box when I experienced my first life tragedy. I was in the middle of a situation that could affect my future, and I couldn’t afford to lose my inner peace and balance. I threw that pain in my box at the corner of my mind and put a big lock on it. I got past the situation that needed immediate care, and when I had the time and energy, I reached out to that box, and I started mending my broken bones.
The state of being negatively or positively overwhelmed is what has cost people their assets, friendships, relationships, or even marriages. You could be in the middle of a war zone, captive in a prison cell, or walking on the beaches in the Bahamas. You need to know how to slam on the breaks if necessary and remove yourself from your body. Become a part of something bigger than yourself. Look at yourself from beyond. Take a moment, breathe, and find your peace again. Some people need a 2-week vacation to the south of Italy. I needed 2 minutes in the bathroom when I first got yelled at, by my boss.
Every day needs moments of stillness, a conversation filled with silence for two, a prayer with the self, some Sinatra, or a walk.
Virginia Woolf wrote: „You cannot find peace by avoiding life.“ You cannot run away from the noise and expect to find silence. The real peace costs you no more than a walk under the rain that washes up your eyes.
Listen to the sound of it, and smell the earth after the water has settled, close your umbrella, and peace will be yours.