© T.H. Warrior – Tender Hearted Warriors
– S.S.P. & E.L.C.
Why does it hurt so much?
How could we make it go away?
What was it about us that made this happen?
How can we stop loving someone just because they have ceased to love us?
Why do people HAVE to break each other? Are people in love, the same pole of a magnet?
In Maslow’s famous pyramid, the need to „love“ and be „loved“ lies precisely in the middle of all the other psychological needs.
„Love is a need and not a necessity.“
A need is an absolute craving of humanity to process, while a necessity is a craving, whiteout which one manages to survive. For example, eating is a need, but the dinnerware which one uses is the necessity.
To most people, this concept has been interpreted exactly the opposite way. People tend to believe it is not a must for them to love or be loved as long as all the other layers of the pyramid, such as physiological needs, safety needs, or self-fulfillment needs, are met. Love is just a necessity without which they’ll function just as finely as with.
In order to explain this differentiation, we need to define love first.
To some, love is the most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone: an intense feeling of affection. That feeling of warmth that melts down the heart once the lover touches it. In a good or a wrong way. By its presence or absence. It doesn’t matter. It still melts.
But to those who haven’t found love, or have found it but were never able to recognize it, or those freelance thinkers, who are also known as the „cool“-„against-everything“-„involved in some sort of movement“ type, love is nature’s way of tricking people into reproducing.
Which one indeed truly describes love?
I have my own definition. Somewhere in between:
„Love“ is the Liberty of Omnipotent Value Exchanges.
A stock market of Ideas. Beliefs. Emotions. Experiences, good or bad yet accepted, dark pasts and lit up futures, laughs and cries, bleeding fights, and more durable bricks to build a new house of emotions on.
Love is a lawless land; no rules, no boundaries to hold back, no extra powers to push where it doesn’t belong yet.
It’s comfort, and it’s motherly. A bowl of hot soup on a cold winter night, a wax massage on a warm, feverish summer day, is indeed the true definition of love.
How can people NOT break each other in a loving relationship, when they don’t even have a true definition of love in their minds?
The word was defined, wrongly and wrongly, from generation passed on to the next generation, from my mother’s mother to my mother and then to me.
When you type the wrong SQL into whatever program that’s out there, the result will be nothing but „ERROR.“
And that’s where people, intentionally or not, break each other.
And I was kind about this part because I believe it’s always intentional.
You hurt me; I hurt you back. You kick me; I kick you back. Grammy award-winning song of the year says, and I quote: „you gotta hit before you get hit.“
And allow me to refer to the trendy quote that everybody has in their mind, by default: „the line between love and hate is very thin, very narrow.“
The love that turns into hatred once the imaginary thread is broken belongs nowhere but in the trash can.
How can a true lover stop loving someone just because they have ceased to love them?
How can we BREAK someone just because we were broken by them?
If we break „each other“, and if the „breaking action“ is indeed a two-person job, and not a single act, doesn’t that make us both A-holes?
Falling in love is an accident. Staying in love is an art.
It will take much longer for most people to fall in love than to fall out of it. The reason is funnier than you might think. By falling in love with someone, we are giving ourselves the beautiful benefits of a relationship. By falling out of it, we are protecting ourselves from the very relationship that not long ago, used to make us so happy. It was never about them. It was about us. We don’t love them. We love how the loved ones make us feel about ourselves.
For example, I love ice cream. Because of the pleasure it gives me. Not because of its unique personality.
The saddest truth in this whole thing, is that true lovers are often accused of being stuck in the past and still hung up on the lost. They must be pathetic losers who can’t move on. Few regard them as someone who appreciates others for who they are as individuals. A lover is a loser who refuses to accept how cruel their loved one was towards them – and this is how the emotional interdependence vicious cycle will go on.
Relationships used to be trustworthy. An alternative wasn’t that easy. Commitments meant something. Couples who saw and met each other for the first time, at their wedding, would hold each other’s hands until the day they died. Nowadays, everyone’s fighting all their lives to save their relationships, instead of building them. And once they’ve hit the first real roadblock, people easily break their promises, in the name of being honest.
„Nowadays, everyone’s fighting all their lives to save their relationships, instead of building them.“
T.H. Warrior
The upsetting fact about this is that we are all born lovers. Everyone is truly capable of loving. People do break as soon as they get broken. And later in life, the very broken ones, become potential breakers themselves. Instead of learning from each relationship, people bring their baggage into the next relationship. A Baggage that is acceptable to bring into a relationship does not consist of bitterness, jealousy, paranoia, or hatred. It involves issues that we are consciously aware of, open to sharing with our partners, once the mutual trust has been built, and willing to be accountable by owing our parts and contributions to the damages.
In order to be in a whole loving relationship, you need to be a whole person.
Relationships mostly collapse because couples believe that their job as a partner, is to complete their loved ones. And in return, they expect the same thing. This is an obvious sign that neither of them are ready to even be in a relationship. If you never feel the urge to be on your own, have a few days to yourself, and concentrate on your thoughts and worries, you shouldn’t be emotionally involved with anyone. Ironically, only then, and only then, relationships do work when couples are selfish. Our only priority as adults is to know how to make ourselves happy. It is only after finding this internal independent happiness that we can share this happiness with another soul.
„If you never feel the urge to be on your own, have a few days to yourself, and concentrate on your thoughts and worries, you shouldn’t be emotionally involved with anyone.“
T.H. Warrior
Relationships are all about ourselves. And this is not a negative fact at all. If we learn how to make ourselves progress within our relationships, our relationships will as well improve with us. But unfortunately, most people have gotten it wrong. All they want is their relationships to go somewhere while they’re rigid as a rock-not going anywhere.
Like every other young person full of dreams, I did foolishly fall in love, but after I learned the truth, wisely stayed in love. And even broken, I got up again, and I watched it begin, all over again. What I learned over the years, was that a brilliant life filled with pure, holy love is not about making sure that you are immune to sorrow, but has more to do with letting go of your fears and allowing reality to touch you. It’s much braver to open yourself to the world than to wall yourself off from it.
And I genuinely believe this is the most honest definition of courage: „a spiritual path that celebrates and invites all of our strong emotions. Deals with them, not by arguing against them, but by liberating them.“
Instead of trying to toughen up, we could appreciate our softness. Instead of trying to choke back the tears, we could dive into them, and let the current carry us. In fact, the more we own and appreciate our tenderness, the more of a badass we would be.
„The more we own and appreciate our tenderness, the more of a badass we would be.“
T.H. Warrior
It makes perfect sense. If we try to prevent a strong emotion, while we’re developing it, we’re always defending. If we never put up our guards in the first place, we have nothing to protect and, therefore, nothing to worry about. And this is brave. Being open to all emotions and becoming immune to them.
The problem is that not that many of us know how to swallow true love when we see it, let alone digest it.
Are we all born with one identical united goal in mind? Let’s make everything and everyone we fancy ours, and our possessions and belongings, so that we have the POWER to make or break them?
Do we want our partners‘ hearts so that we can break them later, if and when given the opportunity? Is this the definition of loyalty? Faithfulness? Be mine so only I and I can break you before you cut me?
Betrayal, Loyalty. What are they?