© T.H. Warrior – Tender Hearted Warriors
– S.S.P. & E.L.C.
„Perception is reality to the one in the experience.“
Danielle Bernock
Lies get carved into our minds in an unknown way and may stay there forever. For decades, researchers have grappled with the nature of lies: How do they come about? What effect do they have on our brains? Can we fight them? The answers to all of these questions are not very promising. Fighting against lies is exhausting. Lies have a destructive effect, and perhaps worst of all, if their content resonates well with people’s perceptions of themselves, it will be almost impossible to correct them.
What happens when a lie reaches our brain?
Over two decades ago, Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert argued that people see the world in two steps. First, for a moment, they accept the lie as the truth; In order to understand something, they must first accept it. For example, if someone (supposedly) tells us that the counting of presidential votes in Virginia was rigged, we need to accept, at that very moment, that the rigging actually happened. When we take the second step: Either we complete the mental acknowledgment process (yes, cheating!) or we reject it (what? It is not possible!).
The first step is a natural part of thinking that happens spontaneously and without any effort, but unfortunately, the second step can be easily disrupted. The second step requires effort: we must actively choose to accept or reject every word. In many cases, this test does not occur. The human mind, when faced with a lack of time, energy, or conclusive evidence, may not be able to reject concepts that are involuntarily accepted at the receiving stage.
Our brain is particularly weak in the face of lies when lies come to us not one by one, but as a barrage:
When we are bombarded with misinformation, our brain is so overwhelmed that it can no longer sift through everything. This is called „cognitive burden,“ that is, a state in which our limited cognitive resources are under pressure. No matter how impractical some jobs are, say a lot about them and see how well people absorb and believe them. No matter how absurd some trends are, make a super-model-included motivational commercial about them, and see how instantly they will be followed.
Eventually, the cognitive burden gets to the point where our brain stops trying to figure out what’s right without us realizing it.
Any repetition of a lie, even to refute it, only reinforces the lie.
The constant repetition of a particular lie ultimately shapes it as the truth in our minds. This is called „imaginary truth,“ which was first discovered in the 1970s and has recently been exposed by the rise of fake news. In the first manifestation of this phenomenon, a group of psychologists asked people to, three times in a two-week period, evaluate a series of statements as true or false. Some appeared only once, and others were repeated. Repetitive statements were much more likely to be evaluated as true in the second and third times, regardless of their accuracy, than what was said once.
„Any repetition of a lie, even to refute it, only reinforces the lie.“
T.H. Warrior
When we repeat a certain lie over and over again, the lie will gradually infiltrate our brains. But the really bad news for all of those who hope to counter false claims and stand up to them is that any repetition of a lie, even to disprove it, only reinforces the lie.
For example, if you say „I have done nothing wrong“ or try to prove this claim with evidence, at most times, people will only get more suspicious. Later, when their brain wants to remember this information, the first part of the sentence usually gets lost, and only the second part remains.
Denied information influences our judgments and decisions. They are believed to be the best route to reality.
Take this sentence and flashback your life quickly. Has anyone ever denied anything to you before even being confronted? What they claim did not happen is exactly what happened.
In politics, lying is a unique centric power. If a politician manages to provoke a sense of moral anger, the truth will no longer matter. People associate with their emotions, support whatever the movement is, and let the roots of their identity grow in groups. The truth of the matter will no longer really matter. If the misconceptions are consistent with existing beliefs, then trying to disprove them has the opposite effect.
Our perception of truth is much more fragile than we would like to accept, especially in politics.
Just picture your boss for a second: „I am proud of all of you – every single contribution matters. Here is a safe place, and any idea and criticism are welcome.“ – we no longer react to that liar as a liar. His lying becomes normal. Because we can no longer picture a truthful superior. We are even more likely to lie ourselves, not to look like an idiot. „Our moral intuitions are distracted by the games we play,“ says Firekushman, a moral psychologist at Harvard University.
When we live in a jungle-like society where we must „eat not to be eaten“, we become „intuitive hunters.“ Living will no longer be about cohabitation but more about survival. This can cause us to spread lies ourselves. This mentality of „I will win if you fail“ only weakens the society. Burns talents instead of nurturing them, corruption rises, and people lose confidence in anything and anyone. No one will ever truly believe in anything.
In the words of the nineteenth-century Scottish philosopher Alexander Bean, „the greatest mistake of the human mind is to believe too much.“ Which brings me to my next point:
Why lie?
What is the reality? Who draws the lines between truth and false? In my opinion, there is very little difference between a big lie and a hard to believe piece of truth. For example, let’s say that the Financial Crisis of 2008 never happened, and that Lehman Brothers was not responsible for the subprime mortgage crash. Is this sentence a big lie?! Or maybe a strange, impossible-to-believe piece of truth?! How will rationality help human consciousness to absorb this truth?
„This mentality of „I will win if you fail“ only weakens the society. Burns talents instead of nurturing them, corruption rises, and people lose confidence in anything and anyone. No one will ever truly believe in anything.“
T.H. Warrior
Betrayal happens whenever we realize that our solid reality was not solid after all. Remember, the very first reaction to betrayal is denial.
When the truth causes us nothing but pain, we deny it. Some of us never get to the second stage of the process of understanding. Some believe their repeated lies and denials after a period of time, but only a few deny consciously. Do you remember my article „peace„? Conscious people use their mental box as a safe place for all their emotions, and start dealing with them, one by one. They are well aware of the fact that they are either lying to themselves or being lied to. And when the time and place are right, slowly and gradually, they start digesting the truth.
„Lies are deceit, and deceit brings despise and disgust.“: these were Mrs. Khorsandi’s, my Pre-school teacher’s words.
For most of my life, I tried to follow her words and be honest, even if the truth would cause me or the others nothing but pain. The older I got, the more I noticed the correlation between telling the truth and the state of either being selfish or selfless.
I realized those who truly love us for who we are, get just the right balance of lies they do and don’t tell us.
Sometimes they need to be brutally honest with us- they don’t see how protecting our feelings would be more important than us knowing the truth for whatever the reason it is. And sometimes they lie to us when they see no good coming out of the truth.
I realized instead of defining lies, I need to categorize the truth:
The first type of truth is the pure parrot-like definitions. We’ve heard things, and we’ve been saying those things back over and over for centuries. Some of us bothered digging deeper, and then we heard different definitions and kept repeating those instead.
But then there is the truth that has become a part of our belief system. For example, when we define ourselves as sensitive, outgoing, funny, or smart, we believe we are those things. It’s funny how the second type can be just another definition of the first: we believe we are funny because we’ve heard people laugh at the things we do or say. Not because we have come to that conclusion ourselves.
Then there is the most common and the most dangerous type: We claim our goals and wishes to be true. And pass it on to others while we are nowhere near what we think we are: The other day, I told myself I have 500+ connections on LinkedIn, so I must’ve had 2000 followers. I looked, and the number was 600. I liked to believe that it was true. That’s why I said it to myself. Imagine if I had said it to an outsider. They wouldn’t have heard it as my wish that I believed to be true. To them, I’d lied.
I believe the last type of truth is the evilest one: The truth that is unbearable for us. We don’t have to tell it. No one is asking for it. But we think we will feel better after we’re not the only ones knowing it.
Which brings me back to my first point. Lies are just the opposite immediate interpretation of these four categories. In the times where you think you will feel better by telling the truth, maybe you should try to stop thinking about yourself all the time and be thoughtful of your listener as well. Ask yourself, whenever you open your mouth: What will this information bring to my listener? Do to them? How is it going to affect them?
Are they going to feel lighter and relieved after hearing my truth as well?
Truth can be as equally disgusting deceitful, and manipulative as lies. And lies can be just as caring, loving, and heartfelt as the truth.
It’s all situational.
There is no absolute right and wrong here. It’s just a matter of perspective.
We take pride in always telling the truth.
Call me an idiot, but all I get out of that character is selfishness. You tell the truth at all times because it’s the easier thing for you to do. Or you tell lies all the time because you can hide behind your reality.
Lies are ok to be told as long as it’s not about us running out of a situation but saving others from getting hurt.
„Truth can be as equally disgusting deceitful, and manipulative as lies. And lies can be just as caring, loving, and heartfelt as the truth.“
T.H. Warrior
And yes, almost every listener claims that it’s not our job to save their feelings. And that comes from them being either unseasoned or curious.
Have you ever listened to the stewardesses before take-off? „always put your mask first, and then you can help others.“ This concept helped me a lot in life:
Instead of worrying about other people being happy, I first learned how to be happy myself. On my own. And as a happy person, I would convey my happiness without even trying.
You cannot give without having. In order to help, you have to have.
For you to tell the truth to others, you need to learn how not to lie to yourself, how not to hide behind yourself, not to see yourself as damaged goods.
“The fact is that we have no way of knowing if the person who we think we
are is at the core of our being. Are you a decent girl with the potential to
someday become an evil monster, or are you an evil monster that thinks it’s a
decent girl?“
„Wouldn’t I know which one I was?“
„Good God, no. The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we
tell ourselves.”
― Derek Landy