© T.H. Warrior – Tender Hearted Warriors
– S.S.P. & E.L.C.
Have you ever escaped a hard-to-handle situation?
Have you ever avoided a difficult and uncomfortable conversation?
Have you ever talked to yourself as a third person and tried to convince yourself of something that simply felt wrong?
Has your gut feeling ever stopped you from doing something?
Have you ever been curious about certain unresolved inner issues? Of your roots of thoughts, behavior, likes, and dislikes?
Let me give you a graphic example:
You are working in your office, minding your own business when you experience your very first professional injustice from a superior. You will do one of the following:
Either you suck it up and move on trying to be indifferent, or you stand up for yourself, and you will either switch to the next job or will be forced to switch to the next job.
The funny thing is that your decision is absolutely irrelevant. The outcome is almost always the same. Sooner or later, you will connect the dots and figure out a pattern. That is, for example: if I speak back to my superior, I am going to get fired. Or if I do not stand up for myself, I will lose my sleep over it. And you will call this: Aging, becoming mature, learning from experiences, becoming more seasoned.
What matters is not the “if and then” but the missing “why.”
Most of us do not notice that we never ask why. And that is how the inner conflicts start to build up without us even noticing them.
We pile up baggage and continue carrying them around all our lives. Most of us would feel a lot better knowing that we belong to a category, to a group:
Have you ever noticed how people’s eyes shine whenever they explain their zodiac sign to you? It makes them happy knowing that they are not the only ones behaving the way they do.
Have you ever noticed how people cry while watching painful Netflix real stories, yet they feel ten times lighter after and they keep watching the same type of documentaries over and over again? It’s because they see themselves in the victim who’s telling their stories to the rest of the world.
People do not ask why because not knowing is easier.
Let me rephrase: Most of us think we know the reason why. We think we know because we have found ourselves, our pain, our character, and the same pattern of behavior in somebody else, in the Netflix victim, or in our favorite character in the book we’ve been reading. In psychology, this is called self-projection.
Hearing an “it’s ok,” or “it’s gonna be ok” from our friend, reading the happy ending, or any kind of ending in the book, will again give us the “if and then” we’re looking for. It will be a much faster solution than sitting ourselves with our thoughts down and trying to figure out the reason why.
People like rules and instructions, not just because they don’t want to be in trouble, but because they do not want to open the lock on their brain and make their own rules, write their own line of thoughts.
The one funny occasion that I have in mind is when I went to my boss with a problem that I noticed about our way of work and this was the answer I got:
“It has always been this way- Translation: the problem is a lot longer than you might think.
We have always been doing it like this- Translation: We have followed the rules from the past, and we don’t even know why.”
Thinking is hard. And knowing is easy. People don’t want to think and find out. They want to be told, so that they can know faster.
The problem with this type of thinking is that we will never know for sure if what we know is what others want us to know or is the truth.
„Ignorance is an indicator of deep inner conflicts. The ignorant usually suffer from depression, anxiety, weakness, wavering, excessive independence, and excessive dependence.“
T.H. Warrior
Living with unresolved conflicts is essentially a waste of limited human time. This waste is not only the result of not confronting our daily conflicts but also the result of the futile efforts we make to erase them. Most of the time, the Ignorant, act in the strangest way: that is, they may sacrifice anything and anyone for resolving that conflict. Remember my article tragedy? I explained the difference between resolving and solving in that article.
Broken-hearted people seek nothing but love in their life. Employees who were wronged take all their anger and frustration from the workplace and dedicate all their attention and interest to their children. These look beautiful from the outside, but in fact, by doing so, these people are doing nothing but following a mirage that seems to be the solution to their unresolved conflicts.
Ignorance is an indicator of deep inner conflicts. The ignorant usually suffer from depression, anxiety, weakness, wavering, excessive independence, and excessive dependence.
Simply put, our unresolved conflicts are inconsistencies that we tried ignoring for as long as we can remember. And ironically, later in life, our mind will become inconsistent with the reality:
You feel strongly insulted, when in fact, no one ever insulted you.
You think you value your customers, yet you keep stealing from them by selling them less.
You claim to have sacrificed your life for your children by working hard, and you forget their birthdays. Your greatest desire is to get married, yet you keep sabotaging your relationships.
You are very forgiving and patient with others but are very strict with yourself.
„Simply put, our unresolved conflicts are inconsistencies that we tried ignoring for as long as we can remember.“
T.H. Warrior
Medically put, you have a dual character.
The most annoying fact is that no one can bring these two characters together but yourself.
You wanna know how?
You have to take a step further: Now that you know why start solving your conflicts instead of ignoring them.
You need to stop blaming the things that happened to you in your childhood.
You need to stop pointing fingers.
You need to stop thinking as if certain incidents can shape your entire character in iron and write your destiny for you.
Knowing why is not enough. It is nowhere close to being enough. It will never be an excuse for not solving your inner conflicts.
You sit yourself down, and you look back at your life.
You start writing to yourself.
You start talking to yourself.
You start asking questions.
You start to solve.